Umm I'm too high to move.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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