I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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