he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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