I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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