Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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