I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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