omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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