Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize