my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize