We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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