Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize