You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize