Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize