Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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