I'm lost and stupid without you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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