before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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