at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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