dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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