I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize