That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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