Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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