the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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