that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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