im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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