i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Boobs are out for the taking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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