I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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