Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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