My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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