he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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