The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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