great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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