Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
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Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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