my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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