I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize