his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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