There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize