Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize