Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize