He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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