she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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