I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize