Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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