god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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