Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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