We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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