It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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