The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize