I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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