I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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