at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize